Yesterday, I had a conversation with a very close friend of mine who is battling with feelings of self-doubt caused by rejections he has been facing. A period that we all know and have been through multiple times. Having always put 100% in a relation following rejection takes down our self-esteem. Feelings of having failed, not measuring up, or anger become our companions. As we spoke about our ties to certain beliefs and the methods to break them, we discussed anticipation and its power to make us feel good.
The poetry is all in the anticipation, for there is none in reality — Mark Twain
We’re all doing it. Especially during hard times, we picture how our next holidays will be or how enjoyable it will be when meeting a longtime missed friend. It is absolutely normal since we want to return to a comfortable state in which we feel good, welcomed and accepted. And there’s nothing bad with it unless we remain unconscious about the depth of this process.
Anticipation! It occurred to him that his anticipation was more pleasant to him than the experiencing — Patricia Highsmith
If you haven’t already, you might want to read “The circle of thoughts and emotions,” our body reacting to whatever we experience, including our thoughts.
“How enjoyable something will be” points to the illusion to which we trap ourselves. We create a belief in this moment of thinking that we’re only able to feel better if our wish comes true. Waiting unpatiently for the future to happen. Remaining closed to this present moment. The only time where you can heal and feel better. The only time where life happens.
Let go of hopes and wishes for some sort of future salvation. Experience yourself in the present and realize that nothing makes a difference unless you let the difference happen now.
If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever. — Dan Millman
Since anticipation is not real, experiencing the reaction of your body only relieves the suffering temporarily. Experiencing bliss in this present moment requires nothing more than becoming conscious about your own existence in the now. Free from expectations and judgements.
No, this is not a decision and off you go. It is re-education and takes time. And you can get there while following these simple rules day in and out.
Give up being an expert and adopt a beginner’s mind. Face everything with curiosity in this present moment, no matter how often you think you have seen or experienced a situation.
Let go of all expectations. No one can tell about the future. Holding onto a self-constructed future prevents you from realizing that bliss finds you here and now.
Give up qualifying and judging everything you’re facing. There’s no good and no bad, there are only experiences. Your mind doesn’t need to understand what happened.
Whenever you feel stuck, remind yourself about rule 1,2 and 3.
When you find yourself getting lost in your thoughts about the past or future, remind yourself that all you'll ever have is this present moment. All that remains from the past is knowledge and every moment is unique. Hence, preserving you from the past repeating itself in the future is a mere fantasy.
Enjoy the moment
Comments