The more I come to complete a project, the more I fear it to fail. How self-identification with our doing refrains us from progressing and makes the let go process more difficult.
It has become quiet last week on my blog, and it might stay for a bit longer. Reason is that I invest more time in preparing my upcoming eBook, and since I don't want to put pressure on myself, I need to set priorities. Something I learned the hard way. So far, so good. I'm progressing.
This post, however, is not about priorities but the pressure itself. An experience I'm going through again right now with the launch of my first eBook.
The closer I come to the launch date, the more I sense pressure within me. At first I couldn't explain it to myself, since I reduced other tasks to make it fit without investing more time.
Yesterday I realized it has nothing to do with the time invested, but how important it is to me and how my work will be perceived out there. Now everyone would tell that this is normal, and yes, it is a normal reaction. Of course, I write this eBook for a purpose which I care about. I don't want it to fail, but to be appreciated by the audience. Hence, I can't be indifferent to it, and I don't think I have to.
But sensing deeper into it; Why does this pressure turn into a barrier provoking procrastination or even giving up on it?
We can interpret pressure as stress, something negative, but also as excitement towards something, which will make it more positive to us.
Is perception the root of it?
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. - Wayne Dyer
This definitely is true. Yet I still think that's only one part of the answer.
When I go through my memories, every time I had a big launch. e.g.: publishing a new song, going on stage, delivering an important project, the list goes on and on. It has submitted me to enormous stress, and required a relatively long period to recover. Me, who had a lot to struggle with not being good enough, I know that this is fear. Fear of failure and judgement.
What if I would stop this project now? Would it change anything to me as a being?
What if I do it, or do something totally different? Would that change anything to me?
What if the project fails? Would that change anything to me?
Or what if it becomes a success? Would that change anything to me as a being, right here, right now?
While asking these questions, the first thing to note is, I'm no more present. But busy worrying for a future that no one can tell.
Remaining present definitely removes the worries. Yet still... Trying to understand what it takes to become exposed to such fear or worries.
Questioning myself, I figured out, it's identifying with what I'm doing. If what I do fails, or gets criticized in a negative way, I will fail and be criticized. A threat to me as a person.
Either I choose to continue worrying about something out of my control. Or I do and live right now. Being conscious that what I do is not who I am. It's something I do that surely will reflect my values, but it won't alter me as a being.
This said, changing perception only, wouldn't work. That would be the same thing as taking medication to treat the symptoms, leaving aside the root causes.
Realizing whatever I do changes nothing to me as a being here and now.
As a result, worries won't be fed anymore since it's no more perceived as a threat.
Not to say we shouldn't care about what we do. The contrary is the case. By not worrying about failing or judgment later on, I'm able to care more in the present.
Enjoy the moment
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